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"...Woman can lift up the whole human race. And wherever she is respected, there is prosperity and well-being. Wherever she is humiliated... there is pollution and degeneration...
...I believe in Womanhood with all my heart, but in superior Womanhood. I consider today's situation a transition. And I not only believe, I know that there is a great role for a woman, a noble role, for she can become the leader of humanity towards the spiritual goal, she can become the spiritual inspirer of man..." (Sivananda-Valentina)
Holy Mother responds to a letter from a student asking Her opinion on the subject of women’s nature and status. Included was a long list of quotes on women by various famous men both secular and religious. Examples of what the quotes in general were like, follow:
"...Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantnesss of social life and avoid it as much as possible..."
"...A woman should be covered with shame at the thought that she is a woman..."
"...The judgement of God upon the female sex endures even today and with it, inevitably, endures their position of criminal at the bar of justice. Women are the gateway to the devil..."
"...Women are the gate of hell..."
"...When a woman inclines to learning, there is usually something wrong with her sex apparatus..."
"...I expect that woman will be the last thing civilized by man..."
"...woman is a foe to friendship, an inescapable punishment, a necessary evil..."
"...There is no such thing as picking out the best woman, it is only a question of comparative badness..."
"...God created man and finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a female companion to make him feel his solitude more keenly..."
"...Wicked women bother one, good women bore one. That is the only difference between them..."
Valentina answers:
I was much amused as well as somewhat embarrassed with such misogyny! Amused because it is immature and laughable; embarrassed, because it is not worthy of either what you call a Christian or a savant! What made me really smile, is that the most silly woman would hardly ever utter such categorical nonsense about men! For, generally, women are more inwardly kind than men, less brutal and not quite so naive!
And, as far as such presentation of quotes, - it is neither fair nor edifying to take abrupt sayings of various writers, the sayings which are out of context. Often such casual wit has nothing to do with the general outlook of a person. For instance, the quoted remark of Tolstoi, ("Regard the society of women as a necessary unpleasantnesss of social life and avoid it as much as possible") does not characterize his views even in the least, although, in this particular quote, there is a personal flavour of disgust to his own mundane life and his own unhappy marriage. Further, the sayings of some "pious fathers" are not necessarily the sayings of deep thinkers. There is much personal bitterness in all the above quoted.
I am well acquainted with the misogynic tendencies of certain type of mentality! The truth of it should not be shunned, but the untruth should be pointed out starkly. One should understand that there is an acute difference between the female aspect and true womanhood. A woman should be ashamed to be looked upon as just a female - very definitely so. So should a man be ashamed of his pre-occupation with his male aspect! And, should not man be thousand times more ashamed for making a female out of a woman, for enslaving her in bedroom and kitchen for centuries and yet expecting her to be up to him in education and culture? For not allowing her to evolve and then having a nerve to pronounce her as the "defective creature?" For prompting her to develop the gimmicks and tricks as her only weapon - the SEX allurement? Above all, for craving these allurements?! Well...
One must also understand, the remarks of some Fathers of the Church were addressed to the lustful, weak, passionate man, not so much to woman. To safeguard man from lust and misconduct, the "wise" Fathers of the Church were colouring womanhood as something extremely disgraceful. This amazing technique was adopted for the purpose of killing the appetite of the uncontrolled lust. This is also true about the fearful descriptions of the hell, which was done for the purpose of frightening man and compelling him to lead a virtuous life, if not through choice and love of virtue, then at least through fear of hell and punishment.
Together with Oscar Wilde, I would say, "Wicked women bother one, good women bore one. That is the only difference between them." [Laughing contagiously] Oscar is my pal since childhood and his remarks often make me happy, for what can be better than an elegant wit?! In this particular quote, I cannot but say, "Yes," but up to a certain point. Perhaps there is something boring in the overly moralistic, holier-than-thou dullness of women, but isn’t the same true about males? And, as to the wicked females... really not more wicked than homosexual Oscar. The point of fact is that both, "good" (cantingly pious) or "wicked" (exciting or alluring) are immature, or in the words of Oscar, "boring," and truly speaking, are not worthwhile analyzing...
[Musingly] Seriously, shouldn’t both male and female be transcended into womanhood and manhood which would exclude the subhuman definitions and attributes? Is it not far nobler to say that while in human consciousness, it is natural to have the man-woman relationships which no doubt should be as clean, as lofty and as inspiring as possible - marriage or whatever! But, when man takes to spiritual life, sex relationships drop spontaneously. There is no time, neither interest for the opposite sex whatsoever. For the glory of the new ardour lifts the whole being, and if the soul-mate (not the sex-mate!) comes their way, it is a divine song and true victory over all the complexes! The wife of Ramakrishna was so devoted that the Master treated her as "Mother!" And what about Sri Aurobindo and his glorious inspirer, his life partner?!
Nietzsche's naughty remark ("When a woman inclines to learning, there is usually something wrong with her sex apparatus.") is not too unfair. A high-brow woman (spinsterish air) takes to "hi-fi" because she is not desired by his majesty the beast - man!... Tolstoi said, in Anna Karenina, "Every happy family is similar to another happy family; every unhappy one is deeply unhappy in its peculiar way." The same is true about the sayings of the "great men" you quoted above: they reveal deep personal... shall we call it in present-day terminology - "hang-ups?!" They are deeply unhappy - each in his own way! Balanced people do not condemn and do not accuse. Pure people do not see impurities. Truly great people are, first of all, grateful people. They are grateful for the grace, beauty and charm of the woman who gives spark and colour to the grey dreary existence. They are grateful for the Mother in woman first of all. They are grateful for the poetry which women bring into their lives. They are inspired by the best of woman; they are too bored to dwell at length upon the ridiculous female aspect in her and they truly are immune against the "naked lust."
In conclusion, I should tell you that man and woman are one and indivisible! In Sanscrit terminology, man is the Purusha and woman is the Sakti! (The Divine static and Divine dynamic.) The Devi Mahatmaya clearly indicates that the Divine Mother is hiding in every woman. Thus, man commits not only a blunder, but a serious sin when he despises woman - a slap to God and His Sakti. Woman can lift up the whole human race. And whenever she is respected, there is prosperity and well-being. Wherever she is humiliated... there is pollution and degeneration. Buddha had greatest women disciples. Christ treated woman as He would treat man - as a spiritual being. Ramakrishna, when He declared "woman and gold" as the worst danger, meant sex and greed. He worshipped womanhood as Mother. And Vivekananda showed the tenderest reverence and gratitude to womanhood. Incidentally, he greatly admired American woman for her dynamism and advancement in many areas. There is nothing more I can add to it.
***
[Following the prayers for the deceased]
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti... It goes like a dream, the whole life, and ends in unconscious passing from one dream to another. This strange life is like a dream, and then the body off and starts the next X-the-unknown. It really is pathetic that, mostly, man is asleep, functioning like a somnambular, half-consciously. There were and there are, attempts to break that kind of mechanicalness, and that is the Path of Renunciation, the Path of aspiration and surrender towards that which is Eternally Perfect and which one explores and discovers through the spiritual endeavour... [Silence]
I think about the role of woman in spiritual life, and it is strangely occurring to me now that the best woman was always free, just like the best man, free first of all in their choice of the Path which leads to the realization of the Absolute reality. That's the only way of becoming free, yet woman was more handicapped than man. woman was not given a chance equal to man. Here is perhaps an opportunity for me to clarify my position. I receive questions and letters where people are slightly puzzled about my humourous remarks of being a "feminist." As a matter of fact, there is such "rumour" about me [Smiling] amongst people who have never met me. Well, that's not so, my Children, - now I will clarify it.
I do not at all welcome the position of most women today, (I am not referring to exceptions) the way they stand socially, politically and professionally in most fields. I consider it a tragi-comical situation. I believe in womanhood with all my heart, but in superior Womanhood. I consider today's situation a transition. And I not only believe, I know that there is a great role for a woman, a noble role, for she can become the leader of humanity towards the spiritual goal, she can become a spiritual inspirer of man. In the best of human achievements, woman always was man's inspirer. She lost that honourable position and that's very lamentable.
The woman of yesterday was more charming; the woman of yesterday was more sweet, she was more forbearing, she was more intuitive. In spite of the fact that she was deprived of equal education with man, in spite of many other facts, she, in the best of her opportunities and in the best of her make-up, was equal to poets and to angels! Today, she does not have that status - the status of the woman whom men worshiped and admired. Men do not admire today's woman. And I don't blame them! I don't either. So where is that "feminist" Valentina? Apparently, She is for the future woman, not for today's woman. I do believe in the future woman, but, that tomorrow, - woman has to earn.
She made a fool of herself. She fought for equality - in what? In sex and second-rate position?! That's what she got. She imitated man in smoking, in drinking and in free sex, in divorcing and in many other delinquencies. She, today, does not equal man in his best, but she surpasses him in his worst. I have met a great amount of "professional" women, who are heartless, crude, rude and can surpass a sailor and a soldier in their manners... or rather, lack of manners.
The woman of yesterday was either a happy or unhappy wife, either a glamourous mistress or a despicable one, but she was a woman. Now, woman is half a male - a second-rate half male. I am not talking about exceptions, I am talking about general standard, general base of today's womanhood. Woman lost her magnet and yet, potentially she is the one who has the power to lead the man when she will re-establish herself in her specific colours. Strong in her weakness, noble in her heart, quicker than man in her perception and smart enough not to show it to him, - these are some of her peculiarities, so she has a great chance! I believe that what is now is a transition. It perhaps was necessary, because there was too much of a sacrifice on the part of woman, and here is where the "feminist" Valentina usually shouts that genug is genug, - kueche und kinder is vorbei. That was.
Now, spiritually speaking, woman, when she was awakened in the most noble part of hers, was always inclined to give her heart in devotion. On the other hand, woman was a hindrance very often to man, who wanted to give his heart to God. So the Path of the Woman is, first of all, not be a hindrance to man who is on the Path, but to be his, not only equal, but his kindler. For woman can inspire man on the spiritual Path even more than she was inspiring him with her beauty, charm and gentility in the days which are gone-with-the-wind...
The true renaissance of human culture will come only when woman will start kindling and encouraging man instead of making obstacles for him or competing with him in his higher attempts. And she can lead him only if she will recognize her role in human culture and in human progress. To recognize her noble role is to renounce the gimmicks of a female which are despicable, stupid! On one hand, she wants to be a "professional," an equal co-worker of man, - on the other hand, the corners of her eyes say, "How much?" And, "Who will give more? I'll go." That prostitution is a damnation of womanhood, whether she is a most respectable lady or the unrespectable no-lady. That has to go.
Equality is not in competition and in second-rate performance of man's jobs; equality is in recognition of her own great capacity and the attempts to develop it along her own lines and ways. That does not in the least exclude the professional career, but that includes the right choice of it and the right attitude towards it. Woman now ruins the families, or else, if she is an old-fashioned one, she grumbles! [Smiling] She would rather be like the new type woman, and yet she does not have enough boldness to be so. So it is a mess... [Silence]
We just prayed for the deceased. Life goes quickly. We all pray for the friends whose names are added more and more to our list of the deceased. On that background of kaleidoscopically changing events, both man and woman have to think - how many blunders they make, how much precious time they waste and how much hatred there is between them - hatred and lust. Whereas, the true civilization, the true culture, the true emancipation will start when woman will harmonize all the dualities in her and transcend them, - when beauty, virtue, ingenuity, industriosity, femininity, charm, control, faith, devotion, strength - all of it will be well combined and offered at the Altar of Love. To such a woman you can say, "Mother." Man will see the Divine Mother in such woman. And that will make death not so bitter. Woman will give a soothing touch even in woes and sorrows of all.
I am not tired to repeat over and over again: woman is meant to inspire and to sacrifice, to surrender and to lead... Quite a few opposite currents are to be synthesized in perfect womanhood. And man... well, man has many more chances than woman. He always was far more independent and physically stronger, and so it will be still easier for him to go ahead when woman will become the Mother... not only of his children, but of him too... Om Sakti... [Deep Silence]
Nov. 11, 1979
Stupefied by their "equal rights," today's woman wants a big position for which she has neither qualification nor character, yet she often gets it, and then she becomes rude, a pusher, an imitator, a good-for-nothing nothing! Now again, some have education and qualifications, yet they will mar their position by imitating men, by becoming totally unfeminine. Unpoised, pretentious, affected - that's the today's air.
Some have the qualifications technically and others do not have them, but hardly anyone (exceptions do not count) has inner qualifications, that is to say, to take a man's job and to ennoble it by her special feminine dignity, to bring a new value to it...
"Equal rights?!" Equal education with men?! There is no dispute about it. But let woman remain woman, let her not forget her essential nature. Let woman not go back to the home... but let the home go back to her. You cannot chase women back to the kitchen and the bedroom. You cannot and you should not! I would not go there myself, so why should I push others there? it is not right! [Laughter]
The mistake of man (precisely man, not woman!) is that man wants to scheme, always starts calculating, planning, making a program for woman. Hands off! Become a man whom woman could turn to as her master, - then, perhaps, you could plan her conduct. Man subconsciously craves his personal comfort, cozy home, pretty female ever at his disposal, but now he has a new label for it - he calls it by new names... well, you just listen to your own labels, I won't be bothered repeating them.
Man is to become the right man first. Forget your atavistic craving for either harem or a homemaker. just as woman should forget her craving for security and position with which her "mate" bribes her; then only both of you will be ready for the next rung. And this next rung you cannot acquire through the old traditions. What is needed is a new school, new education and new educators. We need education, not as the profession, or the intellectual diploma, but as the fundamental culture. Okay. When there would be such a thing, then the woman, of the size of our eight-year-old friend, Bubelle, would already be taught not to make a home and cultivate it for "his majesty" - none of that evermore, - but when she will be taught the principles of dignity, duty and ideal, listen, the home will come to her, she will make it, but she won't be stagnating there. She will develop the synthesis, she will develop the capacity, she will develop the respect for true values! She will have enough honourability to perform what real woman should. And that's the answer. We need new schools to make you highly cultured, principled, aspiring. If one has such qualifications, one shall gracefully and effortlessly build homes and nations, too. But you cannot force quality. Only those who are already qualified can join the Quality. Most people care only for the ersatz. They drop out from the life of aspiration and exchange it for banal standards. if you will assimilate a little bit of the culture I give you, you will be excellent in your jobs and in your homes! You will love differently and you will be loved beautifully...
November 12, 1979